Ellen ES Ceely

The struggle…

Do you ever struggle to celebrate how far you’ve come? I do. Sometimes I get so caught up with where I want to be that I fail to recognize how far I’ve come. I have a hard time seeing how much I’ve accomplished because I want to be so much further down the road. There’s something inside me that whispers of my incompetency. This voice reminds me of all the things I could do better.

I have so many dreams and hopes and desires when it comes to writing and publishing. Some of them are written down, some are planned out, and some live in my head as “crazy ideas that will likely never happen”.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I launched my Patreon page for my first book Child of Shadows, and I’ve struggled to celebrate the launch so much. I don’t know whether it’s imposter syndrome or low self-esteem or something somewhere in between. But I am struggling to celebrate Patreon as a win. Even though a year ago I would’ve been overjoyed, I’m struggling with it now.

And that’s the only thing that’s helping me maybe-sorta-kinda celebrate this wonderful journey: remembering how far I’ve come. Especially on days when I want to give up.

Three years ago Ellen…

Three years ago it was just a far-fetched dream to not only publish Child of Shadows but to also finish writing it! If I could speak with three years ago Ellen, she’d likely be amazed at how much she went on to accomplish. She’d probably look at me like a crazy person for freaking out every time a social media post doesn’t do well. Every time I get frustrated with my website she’d probably look me in the eye and go, “you have a website?!”.

Three years ago Ellen was getting up early every morning in her best effort to finish the book. Just finish it. She was listening to Hadithi on her morning drives. She was frantically typing ideas down on her phone while at work so that she wouldn’t forget anything important. If she could see me now, she’d probably cry.

How do you eat an elephant?

Honestly, I don’t really have any advice for how to fix this if you’re having the same issue. I guess I just want you to know you’re not alone. Yes, there are so many things I still want to do. But the time hasn’t run out yet. There’s still plenty of time to do them. So, as my husband likes to say: how do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

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